Warning: All characters portrayed in this work are purely fictional. Any resemblance to people or deities, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Years back, Lucifer and his father engaged in an epic and legendary battle that rocked the pillars of the neighborhood. It was a struggle that the denizens of the trailer park would be talking about for almost an age of mankind. After Lucifer fell from his father's grace he was banished to a shit-hole town called Hell, Kansas. Hell was the epitome of everything that is wrong with this world. The denizens of Hell liked both kinds of music: Country and Western. To make matters worse the only alcohol available to the young demon was 3.2 percent Busch beer. Truthfully, he would rather have drunken piss.
Lucifer had grown from an upstart teenager full of impertinence into a jaded young adult who was disenchanted with his lot in life. Living in Kansas will do that to a man. After bumming around Hell for a few years, Lucifer realized that he could no longer hack it in the real world. So he decided to return home to beg his father for forgiveness. It would not be an easy task.
Lucifer's father was a God. The whole trailer park worshipped him. God lived in the “God’s Own Trailer Park” just off Love Street and the intersection came far too quickly for Lucifer's liking. The entrance to the park was “VIP Only” and he had to ram the pearly gates just to get through. The security guard, Peter had been instructed not to allow Lucifer back onto the premises.
Almost as soon as Lucifer exited the car, his colossus father came rumbling and stumbling out of the trailer. Thunder crashed down from the heavens. God could not believe his eyes. His son had fulfilled the prophecy and returned to fight for his place on the throne. God carried an aluminum baseball bat in one hand and a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the other. "What in the Sam hill do you think your doing coming back here, you worthless brat?" God crushed the beer can and got ready to rumble. His chest puffed out and lightening bolts shot out of his ears. He bore a striking resemblance to Zeus when he was angry and a member of ZZ Top when he was content. But right now God was ready for war.
Lucifer saw the stormy madness inside his father's eyes and knew he had to act fast in order to avoid his impending doom. Just before he had been kicked out he had threatened to kill his father should they ever meet again. Lucifer had left under shotgun fire and now thunder heralded his return. Lucifer's anger had cooled but his father was a vengeful dad whose wrath was not easily sated. God was less harsh on is younger children because they did not remind him so much of himself. His son, Jesus (pronounced Hey-Zeus) was kind and meek whereas Lucifer was the spitting image of his father. He was big, proud, and angry.
God’s beer girth was worthy of a mythical creature. He had to chase his son around the rusted car a few times before he was assuaged and convinced that Lucifer was not there to duke it out. The fight ended up with Lucifer cowering in the fetal position.. Lucifer knew if he showed any aggressive behavior it might have begun the war to end all wars. And so they went inside to have a little chat. God settled down into his polyester recliner and cracked open a brew.
"So how's life in hell son?" God asked with a smug look on his face.
"Hot and slimy, dad." Lucifer replied. "And nobody has any teeth."
"I must admit that I was surprised to see you especially after the manner in which you left." God said sternly. “So, what brings you back son?”
"Yeah I have missed you." Lucifer replied "I kind of want to come home."
Heaven was silent as the full weight of Lucifer's statement sunk in. "I'm not sure I can do that son, you did call Jesus's mom a whore, and threaten to take over the neighborhood." God replied.
"We all make mistakes, Dad. I was young and stupid."
“Well son, we’ll have to see what Jesus has to say about this.”
Lucifer and his brother Jesus were hopelessly estranged and did not get along at all. They were total opposites. However Jesus was loved by his father due to his gentle nature and more importantly his ability to turn water into alcohol, specifically Southern Comfort.
“Ah but Dad, does it really matter what he thinks? I’m sorry.”
“He is the good son and my alcohol supplier Lucifer. I have to look out for what is in his best interests. Don’t worry son. I’m sure if you apologize to him and explain the situation everything will be fine.”
“Alright dad, call him in.”
“Jesus, could you come in here for a minute?” God called.
Trumpets blared from the CD player as Jesus enters the room. A young nerdy looking boy walked into the room and looked first at his father and then his brother.
“Ah, so the Prodigal Son returns.” Jesus says as he looked at his demon brother.